What People Actually Want From Their Community

I've had this conversation so many times.

Someone pulls me aside after a speaking event — usually an event organizer or a community leader — and they ask some version of the same question: "How do we actually reach people right now?"

I always want to say: you're already overthinking it.

We Didn't Leave Because of the Music

The "deconstruction" narrative has everyone panicked. Churches are switching to cooler music, hipper pastors, better coffee bars. And some of that is fine — but it misses the actual issue.

We didn't leave because the worship set wasn't aesthetic enough.

We left because:

Our questions were treated as threats
We were given answers before we could finish our questions
Faith felt like a performance we had to maintain
Nobody talked about doubt like it was normal
The community felt conditional

What We're Actually Looking For

Here's what I hear over and over from my friends, my listeners, the students I talk to:

Honesty. We know when something is sanitized. We grew up on the internet — we have finely tuned sensors for inauthenticity. Don't perform certainty you don't have.

Depth without being weird about it. We want to be challenged and go deeper. We just don't want it wrapped in jargon that makes us feel dumb or excluded.

Community that stays. Not a program. Not a strategy. People who actually show up, check in, and remember what we told them last week.

Room for questions. Actual room. Not "great question, but here's why you're wrong." Genuine curiosity from leaders who trust us enough to sit with the tension.

A Note to Leaders

If you're a leader reading this: you're probably already doing more right than you realize. The students who are still showing up? They're showing up because of you, not because of your production quality.

Keep being honest. Keep making room. Keep sitting with the hard stuff.

That's the whole job.

I speak on storytelling, authenticity, and community at conferences, universities, and events of all kinds. Interested in bringing this conversation to your people? Book a call here.